The thing that makes me feel the most Lonely in LA is feeling like I am the only one who wants to be in a giant heap of bodies on the floor, feet in mouth, hands in hair, body parts intertwined and rubbing and gliding and smushing together - no one caring about what gender or genitalia is attached to who until the pleasure climaxes and everyone winds up in a giant orgasmic gloop. 

I want to see non-binary folx flogging men who are pegging lesbians who are rope tying men. 

I want to see all the rules broken.

I want to see fluidity. 


Where are the places for that in LA?
For guys who aren’t gay but might suck a dick
For womxn who are gay but might want to sit on a real one
For peeps who are open but want something completely different
For folks who usually watch but it’s so free they are compelled to play
WHERE ARE THE PLACES?

Theres no absence of gay places - whether for men or womxn that always tack on non-binary or queer, more of an afterthought to avoid controversy than actually being inclusive or designing the party with them in mind. 

Gay men here have tended to be mean, bitchy gays which I haven’t the slightest clue why but it’s as if their personality were cookie cutter no matter what the outside looks like. Spaces advertised as queer have ended up being gay men focused for which I have walked away feeling disappointed, my body pummeled and stomped on with no regard for my presence because I can’t be fucked. Once while dancing with one of these "weho gays" as I've heard them be called, I was told they he would be made fun of by the other gays for dancing with me but he didn't care. WTF?!


Where are all the places where one can walk in not caring about gender nor genitalia and find their attraction to a human based on being human - whether that be for the night or beyond?

I want to see straight men getting BJs from gay womxn while giving BJs to strap ons. I want to see heaps of bodies that don’t care which body part is connected to who, as the flesh writhes together as one. 

I want to see men kissing men who kiss womxn who kiss non binary and two spirited folks in a game of suck and blow that’s mostly suck…and then blow. I want us all to be curious. I want us to get out of the strict scripts of this is who I am so this is what I do.

Because I Am Bored. 

One of the main contributing factors to the lack in fluidity seems to be the couples culture and the swingers history that is dominant in LA. Which one came first, I don’t know but they are intrinsically linked, of that I am concrete. I have a theory as to why couples culture is so prevalent here which is directly tied to what’s been on this blog. 

Intimacy here is hard, it’s hard to trust people, it’s hard to show people who you really are. So most people find ONE person they trust with all aspects of themselves and they turn to that one person for intimacy. Friends are a second layer but mostly, mostly people only have the effort for the one person. Those two people move in lock step. So when it comes to broadening sexually, those people also want to do that together. And the easiest way is to find another couple that they want to switch with - it ensures that all the people involved understand the capacity of the engagement, they don’t have to worry about someone stealing their partner and after everyone has had the sexual experience, everyone goes home with their perspective ONE. Hardly have I seen anyone that is coupled at a sex party by themselves, something that happened often in NYC. And rarely do I see couples not playing near or around each other if they are playing separately at all. But most prevalent are couples finding the occasional blond unicorn at one of these play parties, if they aren’t swapping swings. 

I say this with complete awareness that I am part of a couple in LA. The swinging scenario never appealed to me before and I could get with it here if it were just a little more out of the ordinary. Where are the other bi/pan/queer couples that we could swing with!?

I pine for the days in NYC where all my friends were bi / queer / pan / whatever the fuck label and just all had sex with each other, which is apparently a culture unique to NYC. 

While on the phone with one of my dearest friends, who coincidentally also moved to California from NYC in which we frequently discuss the differences in cultures (although he is in SF which has a unique one all its own), he mentioned a conversation he had with another friend, a frequent world traveler. Very laxly he recalled the convo in which she said that no where in the world has a fuck your friends culture like NYC. In that moment, it dawned on me that maybe I was searching for something here that doesn’t actually exist. 

Perhaps because I went from high school, which is inherently a fuck your friends culture because you have no other choice in small towns - there are always 5 exes and at least 12 people you’ve gone down on at any given party to NYC where over 12 years I cultivated a community that would get together for all kinds of occasions which sometimes ended in sex parties that were more like orgies and sometimes didn’t but there was never any confusion as to what kind of night it was and we all still hung out as best friends anyways, I didn’t realize that not every single place operated like that. 

Yet, I am completely determined to start it if it doesn’t exist. And if it does, I am determined to find it. There’s got to be a bevy of folx here who also crave the freedom to choose in any given scenario based on the desire for the moment’s full expression vs. adhering to some kind of character identity they think they ought to play. 

Any fluid folx, get at me. If there’s enough of us, I will throw us a party. I promise. 

xx
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