It occurred to me somewhere over the last week, and definitely in response to a group chat that I am in, just how many people move from NYC to LA.

There’s many difficulties in that move - one being how the fuck to get your stuff from NYC to LA given that moving companies are astronomical. Another being the very apparent cultural differences, majority of which I have been keenly observing and writing about on this blog for months now. 

In response to that, I thought I would break it down and give a little roadmap for those people who are thinking about moving from NYC to LA, freshly on their journey from NYC to LA, and for those who have been here and settled in to reminisce about their journeys from NYC to LA. 

So you want to move to LA, huh?

Step #1
DO IT.
If you have a desire to go actually move somewhere - there’s typically a good reason for it. Even if you don’t know what that reason is yet, there’s typically a grander reason pulling you towards it. Even if that’s merely to trust yourself and get closer to understanding yourself, ehem creating more intimacy with yourself - that’s the best reason of all. So do it.

Step #2
Find an economical, cost effective, cheap way of moving your life that fit into a very small box across the country to fit into a slightly bigger but same priced box with possibly a yard on the other side.

Thanks to a group chat I am a part of, I’ve got the low down on the best way to do it:

The most economical / cheapest way to move your things is to get a Uhaul UBox

Basically, you just need to put all your things into boxes and get them to the street before your pick up time. Ask the driver to wait while you load them. And then UHaul will keep them at their location closest to the destination until you’re ready for them to bring it to you. It’ll still cost you around $2000 but it’s cheaper than everything else out there for a cross country move. 

That or if your stuff fits into a car, like mine did (I ditched all the big stuff and only took the most important of my life which included my clothes, the entire kitchen and a box of sex toys), just put it in the car and drive. You pay the price of gas to get across the country ~$600.

If you’re anything like me and get off at every exit where a sex toy shop is advertised it’ll take you around 3 weeks.

You can do it in as short at 5/6 days but that’s gnarly and no fun (and dangerous). 

My suggestion is not driving more than 6 hours at a time. Get off the highway when you see something fun. And go to cities that you’ve never been to before. This country has so much to offer and one of my favorite parts of moving to LA was the road trip. 

Step #3
You’re here - what now?
Honestly, chill. Rest. Get your bearings. Explore a little and by a little I mean what’s within walking distance. The best approach is like the first few days of burning man ( LA is a little like burning man in a way, it’s a city that was built in a place that can’t support the infrastructure and against all odds, humans decided to make the impossible thrive) - take it by foot. Explore what’s in walking distance first. Get really familiar with your local coffee shop, book store, grocery store, etc and build yourself new places of comfort because right after the sparkly newness wears off you’re gonna be exhausted and you’ll need some things of familiarity and comfort. Unpack your place. And start bringing in parts of your life that feel comfortable while adapting them to this new environment.

Step #4
Whine, complain and whine some more. Whine and whine and whine about having to drive a car instead of take the subway. Whine about how you can’t have a chopped cheese at 3:52am on your way home from a party. Whine about friends cancelling. Whine about not having any change of season. Whine about it being too hot and whine about people always complaining about it being too hot. Whine about people wearing flip flops to work meetings. Whine. And then Whine some more. Validate your experience of things being different and in the whining, grieve the loss of your last wild love affair (NYC). It’s ok. 

Step #5
Keep track of the people who put up with your whining because most people know not to make friends with you during this stage. Not only are you annoying, you haven’t settled in yet and you will shed the people you first met when you got here in favor of your more LA flavor you are soon coming into. 
Full transparency - I’m in this stage. I’m getting sick of my whining, I’m all whined out. And there are a few people left standing. These people are no doubt your people so honor this no matter where your life goes from here.

Step #6
You’re probably going to buy some birkenstocks. You find your people and you start to have more comfort, familiarity and grounding. Los Angeles starts opening up to you in this stage. It takes about 1.5 years (if you really let yourself get the whining out of the way) from my experience AND just about everyone else’s who is in their 6th/7th/8th year that I’ve talked to - and it’s been A LOT of people.

Step #7
Go explore. Now you’re ready for growth, finding new things, meeting new people, new experiences, etc. Don’t be ashamed the first year and a half if you need only comfort because a move, especially one as drastic as NYC to LA, is a big enough growth area to get you so far outside your comfort zone that you are often on the edge of panic. Don’t judge yourself if you aren’t the way you typically new yourself to be in NYC - life of the party, always knew your way around, always invited to the cool things, the center of community, always exploring and meeting new people. You will become yourself again. First find the comfort, then you can grow. 

Step#7.5
Actually go to burning man. It has a different view from the west coast. 

Step #8
Find yourself sex+ community.
You knew this was coming, this is my blog after all =]
Once you are feeling comfortable, yourself, your libido has come back and you are feeling more at home - find yourself a sex+ community to build exciting, durable, free and safe relationships with to explore all the parts of you that there are to explore. 

So there you have it folks. The NYer’s Guide to Moving to Los Angeles, Lonely In LA style. 


And for the rest of you, no matter where you are right now, just know that this too shall pass. Be present with where you are because you never get this moment back. Even if you are in the hard stuff, you’ll miss it one day.


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