Given my question of why do people stay? I’ve been contemplating that of myself in LA. 

There are many things that have been difficult here. Clearly my loneliness has reached such a great height, I started a blog about it. 

It then seems contradictory that I would stay in LA given how hard it’s been and my general feeling that if things feel hard, if we feel desperate, hopeless, longing for something else, a dream that exists elsewhere that we should go. Doesn’t it?

Staying has been against my typical nature. That, in and of itself, has been difficult. But since I’ve stayed, I’ve learned some lessons I’ve never learned before:

When to stay and when to go.
When I am running or when it’s actually just not right.
The difference between working through something towards better, and never ending work that doesn’t get anywhere.


Here’s what I now know:

#1
Intention is Your North Star - Before choosing LA, I said to myself that I want an experience totally different from NYC to show me all of my resistances and places where I needed to grow. Every time something is difficult, I remember that I chose this place to teach me big lessons. 

Before you start anything, move anywhere, enter a new relationship, know what your intention is. And return to it in times of question.

#2
Trust Your Inner Knowing - Before moving to LA, I believed there was a reason for me to be here. Something I was meant to learn, discover, change that was part of my purpose and being. There was something specifically calling me to LA that was between me and the universe, and I have had to have faith in that inner knowing more times than I can count. But I haven’t wavered from it - even on days that I want to complain and breakdown about it being hard. 

If you get a strong, clear message about starting something, hold onto it. If it’s true, it’ll get you through the tough days and you won’t question it.

#3
Focus on the Results - This is a business term that keeps popping up for me but it rings true here as well. Since getting to LA, the results of the difficult times have yielded so much love, so much learning, so much growth that I can’t ignore it. It’s perhaps yielded the biggest return on any investment I’ve ever made (perhaps besides moving to NYC LOL). I am learning so much about the ways that I superficially propped myself and my happiness up now that I don’t have those things and can’t take them for granted. I am building from scratch, seeing new aspects of myself that I couldn’t see before, and realizing what are the things I really wish to keep / bring back. 

I used to run away so much that I didn’t actually stick around for the results. And I also know that I ran away because those things were not yielding the right kind of results. I was typically left sad, hopeless, defeated, misunderstood and unseen. Those are the types of situations to run away from. 

But if it’s discomfort because of growth, stretching, having to own your actions and effects on others, change parts of your personality that don’t support you anyways - that’s not a reason to run away. If you stay through to the results and are celebrated, acknowledged, seen in that growth, then that’s a reason to stay.


So, what’s happening as a result of the things that are difficult? Are you learning, growing, ultimately happy and satisfied, acknowledged, celebrated afterwards? 
If the results are mostly bad, and you are mostly left feeling lost and confused and sad, hopeless, unworthy, downtrodden, like you are living someone else’s life that’s not yours and you don’t know how you got here - then you need to go. 


Knowing when to leave and when to stay has had a dramatic effect on my life and relationships. My work. It’s perhaps the single greatest lesson I’ve ever learned. And I’m still in the midst of it unfolding. 

And it’s all happened here, in LA.


Sticking something through and learning about yourself will have really hard days, but in the end, you will know that it’s worth it.

Sticking something through that is harmful, abusive, not right nor good for you, will feel every day like you want out. 

Deep down, you’ll know the difference between when to stay and when to go.
And if you need to go, I am wishing you all the courage to do so.

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