Sometimes rest is hard when you’re having anxiety. When times like that happen, I watch something to calm down and escape.

Yesterday, in the depths of one of those can’t escape the mild buzzing of anxiety mosquito episodes, I chose to watch a movie called Straight Up.

It didn’t happen to be much of an escape given the plot unexpectedly bore striking resemblance to my life. Yet, that somehow ended up helping.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't choose this movie because the main character has OCD.  I was intrigued to see a portrayal of this on screen and to see if I could observe more about this neurodivergence since my partner also carries it.

I’d also be lying if I said I didn't find an uncanny resemblance to myself after realizing the love interest is a rape survivor. Through nuanced, emotionally driven clues that bore a striking resemblance to my own breakdowns in bed, faking of desire and expectations of what I think I should be doing sexually, it is a plot point that is not explicitly stated but tenderly carried. Which I appreciated. 

I appreciated a lot about this movie where two people find love despite societal odds by being their complete selves, messiness and all, and the type of healing that can take places from being truly, fully accepted. 

It stays true to the rom com tenets of putting yourself out there and following your heart, explicitly and expertly weaving in the idea of humiliation for love.

Which does actually happen a lot in love and we have to be willing to let it. Sometimes the humiliation is physical like making a funny face to break the tension, and sometimes the humiliation is taking a hit to your pride by admitting you did something wrong or need to make a change. Both carry that feeling of putting yourself completely out there feeling naked and exposed.

There’s a vibrant representation of gay culture which is hilarious and well written. There’s all the nuance, the good and the bad, the questioning of identity, finding oneself and coming to terms with the ups and downs of love. 

I even learned a new term, after reading this review:




“Polyerosy”. I had to chuckle at the complication of the blog I found defining the term. 

The language around all these things is young, and the representations of the different ways the language shows itself in relationship is even younger. The proliferation of the heteronormative, monogamous relationship has done so much damage to our culture. It’s about time we have something wildly outside the box showing us what people are up against but also giving us the glimmer of hope.

Which perfectly wraps back around to the complication of labels and identity crisis (possibly identity trauma) shown in the movie.

Mostly what I loved is that these two, despite all of the judgements and odds stacked against them, found intimacy and love that supported and held them. Yes, the sexual mismatch was a solution to be solved, but in the end, it’s hopeful that there was one. 

I think a lot of people would watch this movie and think it’s sad that he can’t accept that he’s gay.

I watch it and think that gender roles and dictations of society and what relationships should look like keep people from forming the types of bonds that are truly intimate. Clearly they love each other. Queer, platonic life partnerships is a thing and I am glad this movie is being more open about it. 

I also see how being neurodivergent can be difficult navigating societal structures and it’s not just that easy as choosing / believing you are something when your brain works differently than everyone else. 

I liked how it was alluded to about the rape trauma but the entire movie wasn’t based around that like trauma porn. As someone who is a survivor, often I don’t feel like talking about or revealing the details and I liked that the story actually concealed just that. The details don’t need to be on display for the movie to make sense. Was it a meta recognition of how survivors are silenced? Would it have been helpful to see her overcome her (perceived) shame and speak about it openly? Possibly. It addressed that somewhat. But then again, the movie wasn’t about her. It was showing circumstances that allow for two people and their histories, wounds, baggage to allow them to fit together perfectly - in a way that is outside of the prescribed notion of what partnership is supposed to look like. It was a perfect representation of people being authentically themselves and loving each other for that, having boundaries and then eventually finding a way in which that worked. 

There were brilliant examples of how fights are often arguing about the same things over and over again because of semantics in a hilariously meta way.

The scene at the end just absolutely fucking got me.
“Baby, if you love me, please just give me a smile.” 
UGH MY HEART!


There’s a specific glimmer of hope in the last scene which I won’t reveal. But my little pansexual, polyamorous heart of hearts was lit up at the allusion.

The movie comes across with a cheerful tone for all of its cruel reality, proving that it’s possible to find those who complete you.

IT’S QUEER, IT’S RACIALLY AMBIGUOUS, IT’S GROUNDBREAKING. 
Watch it.



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